It's been a long time since I've written here. Almost 11 years, actually. For a while, that silence felt right. Things were stable. My health was solid. My bloodwork came back fine year after year. My yearly mammograms and ultrasounds looked good. I was living my life, raising my kids, and didn't have much to report that felt urgent or necessary to share.
But here's what I didn't talk about: the small things. The things that pile up quietly in the background.
About six years ago, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. Two years ago, I developed muscular fasciculations in both my legs. Since my oophorectomy, I haven't been able to sleep through a single night without over-the-counter medication. I've been dealing with burning at my chest bone, on and off, for longer than I want to admit. There's brain fog. There's an overstimulated nervous system that keeps feeding back into itself. These aren't huge, dramatic health crises. They're just there. Persistent. Nagging.
And I've been asking myself a question I never really articulated out loud before: Are these things just what happens when you get older? Or are they connected to something bigger?
This November, I'm turning 50. It's a milestone that's been sitting with me for a while. I lost my mother to breast cancer when I was 13, and every birthday past the age she was when she died feels significant. It makes you think about your choices. About your body. About whether the decisions you made years ago (that were 100% right at the time) are still serving you well.
Eleven years ago, I had my implants placed after my mastectomy. That was the right choice for me at the time. It was the easiest choice for recovery with three very young kids and an International flight from Singapore to Texas. I felt good about it. And for the most part, I still do. But at 11 years, which is around the timeframe when implant replacement becomes a consideration, I'm finding myself wondering about things. Questioning things. Reconsidering options I said no to years ago.
I have a surgery date of April 9th scheduled at this point. A surgery to have an implant exchange. However, I have also have a consultation scheduled for October to ask some questions and perhaps get some more testing done. Not to make a concrete decision yet, but to ask more questions. To get informed. To figure out what my body might actually need. Do openly discuss whether or not I potentially have BII (Breast Implant Illness) and if implants are the right next step.
And I think this matters. I think it matters because too many of us are living with small, persistent symptoms that we chalk up to aging or stress or just the way things are. We don't talk about them. We don't ask questions. We just keep going.
But I'm going to talk about it. I always do! And I'm going to figure it out. And I'll share what I learn along the way.
This is the beginning of a new chapter for my blog. Not the end of the old story, but a new part of it. Stick around.
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