Two and a half years ago, I had my bilateral salpingo oophorectomy...that's fancy talk for taking out my ovaries and tubes. I did it only six months after having my bilateral prophylactic mastectomy with reconstruction. I figured I'd just get it all done and put it all behind me. My only goals were 1) to decrease my chances of developing breast or ovarian cancer and 2) doing it before I turned 40, as that's when my mom was diagnosed.
I've talked in previous posts about how well my mastectomy went, how I felt I was better prepared for it, and how calm I was...eerily calm, about the whole thing. I wasn't attached to my breasts in any way, and really, my surgeon did such an amazing job that I don't miss a single thing about my old breasts. Now, I will say, I had already had my children and got to breast feed. So perhaps I'd feel differently if that wasn't the case. But taking all that into account, I'm extremely happy with the results.
But then there's the oophorectomy. It scared the crap out of me. In one of my initial consults, I learned all about the risks of the surgery and all the side effects of losing my ovaries. To hear words like memory loss, heart disease, bone density, psychological well-being and sexual disfunction...I'm amazed I went through with it. But we need to keep one thing in mind...we're trying to avoid getting cancer, right? So the only choice I had was to go through with it. Now, let's fast forward to today, 2018, two and a half years later.
Ladies, I'm not going to lie. It pretty much sucks. Is it doable? Of course. Are there drawbacks, absolutely. Some days my glass is half full and sometimes it's half empty. But here we are, it is what it is, so I'm just going to let you know how it's all panning out.
Hair
My once thick beautiful hair is now thinning. I take biotin, collagen, buy shampoos with lavender...anything people suggest, I try. But alas, it's thinning and I hate it. The positive side? I don't have to shave as often anymore because hair, anywhere, barely grows anymore, and the ones that do are soft. That's a plus, right? Some say to get your testosterone tested as it can cause male pattern baldness type issues. My testosterone is AOK, so what's next?Skin
Awww, say goodbye to beautiful, supple skin. The elasticity just isn't the same anymore. I now look down and see my mom. Not that mom looked bad! But come on, when I was little, I thought my mom was old, when really she was only 39...lol. In addition to the supplements above, I use wonderful lotions...but really, it's just my reality now. It's a bit more wrinkly and a bit more loose.
HRT
So, I tried to avoid HRT, but the reality is, I couldn't. My hot flashes were non-stop...8-10 massive whammies during the day alone, ones that caused me to mop myself down with tissues. So, I started taking progesterone and estrogen. Ahhhh, the joys of estrogen gel. Every night, I get my measuring stick, squeeze out my gel, and rub it onto my arm. I then wait for it to dry while trying to avoid getting it on anything. It's so sexy. The hot flashes went down to about 4-6 a day and were more manageable.
Sleep
Once I had my oophorectomy, it's like I woke up to life, and can't go back to sleep. Sadly, I've tried all the herbal remedies, compounds and HRT, but nothing can get me to sleep...and stay asleep. So, I take half an over the counter sleeping pill a night which keeps me in a beautiful slumber. Some doctors recommend taking some anti-depressants for hot flashes which also helps with insomnia, but I'm not sure I'm ready for that.
Weight Gain
Oh, the weight. It kept coming and coming and coming. I was at my wit's end! I hadn't changed my eating habits, I went on HRT to be more hormonally balanced, and yet it was as if my body said, "hey, it is what it is...accept it!." Ummmm, no. Wasn't going to. So, my doctor put me on the keto way of eating and guess what...all the weight melted off. I haven't stopped, going on over a year now. It also dramatically reduced my hot flashes to about 2-3 a day and barely noticeable! I'm guessing the lack of any and all sugar did that, but I'll let a medial genius disprove me.
Memory
I scoffed at the idea that a simple surgery, ok, not simple, but you know what I mean, could change my memory capability. But wow. I notice a huge difference as the years go on. I'm not as mentally sharp. Sometimes it takes me a bit longer to realize what I'm trying to do in the moment, what I came into the room to do, think of something I was supposed to tell someone...just these blips here and there that are happening more often. Sometimes I just laugh at myself and say, oops, another oopho brain moment.
Sex
Ok, SOOOOOO personal, but so real. So, here it goes. You'll be dry. That changes everything. It instills fears. Fear of pain, fear of lack of pleasure, fear of everything being different. You can try estrogen insertion pills to help, different gels, whatever will work for you...BUT KEEP AT IT. Keep trying to find a solution and don't let the fear take over.
Babies
So, I knew I was done having children. I really did. Really. Well, I tell myself that anyway. But oh my goodness, now that I'm 2.5 years out, something strange is happening to me. I have baby fever. I see them and I want them. I imagine having one. And then, it sets in. I can never have a baby that is genetically mine. And it makes me sad. Should I have harvested eggs? Too late now. I wasn't even thinking about it because I was done having kids. Honestly, I was done. I think.
That's it. That's the joys of having surgically induced menopause. The gift bestowed upon you for completing a life saving surgery. Am I thankful for having the opportunity I had to chance my life's course? Absolutely. But am I human, experiencing grief, anger and change? Absolutely.
